Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
