Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
