I bet he comes in French.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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