I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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