I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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