Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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