I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
