Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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