Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
