true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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