Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
