The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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