I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
