those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
