so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize