therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
