Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize