I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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