please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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