I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think I am morally bankrupt
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
