maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
