i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
pray to the hookup gods
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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