Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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