My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
