Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
