Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
