if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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