i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
