I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
