the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
