and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
two words...techno handjob
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize