guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
