She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
