peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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