I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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