why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
