Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
