they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
