ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
