I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My vagina is officially offended.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
