I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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