I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
