Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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