considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
