me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize