My room smells like vodka and shame
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
