Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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