My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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