my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
