he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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