he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize