thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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