and she was petting her beer can
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Mom said you looked used
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
