wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i out mim tonsoeep
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