We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
