how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Farmville is her only friend.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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