Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
