And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
