Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
