im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
