idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
honey bunches of taint.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
