Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
