$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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