i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
