wakey wakey hands off snakey
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
