I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
