I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
