My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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