a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
