I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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