I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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