it wasn't lemon gatorade
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
