Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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