She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize