I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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