i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
