im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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