if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
