She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
