it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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