Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
