dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
