man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
