i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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