My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
